Introduction to a Disordered Life

I have been thinking about writing an autobiography for a while now. A recent work visa problem has given me some unplanned time so i am trying out this blog as a way to experiment with writing about my life with NLD.
I was in my early 50s when I was diagnosed with NLD and had suspected I might have ADHD so it was quite a suprise. My verbal IQ was very high and my performance IQ lagged behind by over 30 points. Quite dramatic according to my neuropsychologist.
I now have better perspective to look back over my life with. For example there are the old Super 8 silent movies my dad made in teh 1960s when I was around 12 or 13 years old. The ones of my three brotehrs and I running through a field of grass. I look cheerful enough as I run along but keep stumbling as though I cannot keep my balance. Then there is my mother's attitude to me, she clearly expected me to fail in life, on her deathbed she apparently told my dad they had been lucky I had turned out so well!
Finally there is the self doubt and at times self loathing i have lived with for most of my life and my constant need to rehash recent social blundersw and beat myself up over them. This has actiually improved significantly over the decades, but a work call this morning in which I started complaining about the behavior of a colleague towards me, is an example of my shooting myself in teh foot by my overdirect and too honest feedback.